


Schlong

by abitofarockyroad



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-02-11 22:18:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2085288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abitofarockyroad/pseuds/abitofarockyroad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who knew there was so many different comical names for the word penis? Sam and Dean certainly didn't know, but the reader soon enlightens them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Schlong

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy it guys xD - Bella xxx

You, Sam, Dean and Cas were, as always bored. Being in the bunker almost 24/7 did mean it got incredibly tedious at times with little to nothing to do apart from read the thousands of books in the library. This generally meant you had to find you own methods of amusement. Today, you decided to terrorise the guys. Terrorising them was generally your go to activity, but today it was so easy. You couldn't not irritate them after the dumb conversation they had been having. 

"I'm telling you, there really aren't that many decent words for penis." Sam says, shovelling spoonfuls of cereal into his mouth between words. 

"There's quite a few." Dean replied thoughtfully. "Dick, wiener, all those kinda ones. Obviously you can get a bit more creative if you really think about it." 

"I thought a wiener was a type of sausage?" Cas enquires curiously, staring at Dean. 

"Yeah well, it has many uses. So does the word dick." Dean explains with a shrug. 

The whole time this conversation had been going you had been sitting quietly, making a list. On this list you had as many inventive words for penis you could think of. As the list grew, you smile did too and the guys soon noticed. 

"What's so funny (y/n)?" Sam asks with a mouth full of cereal. 

"Many things Samantha darling." You start, making him roll his eyes. "Firstly, you're so focused on eating your cereal you have yet to notice the milk dripping down your chin. It is an attractive look I must say. Considering our topic of conversation however you might wanna get the white liquid off of your face." At this Dean bursts out laughing and Sam, although still looking unimpressed, quickly wipes the milk off his chin.  
"Secondly, you guys are soooooo incredibly un-inventive. There are many names for penis. So so many." 

"Go on then." Dean says after a sip of coffee. 

"Oh but Dean, if I told you them all now that would ruin all the fun." You say, standing up and skipping towards your bedroom, shutting the door behind you. 

Around half an hour later your list was complete. You opened your door slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible. Tiptoeing out of your room, you creep down the corridor into the kitchen. Dean is sitting with a book at the kitchen table with his back to you. In complete silence you walk up behind him, lower your head so your mouth is close to his ear and whisper, "schlong." 

"Jesus Christ!" Dean shouts, jumping out of his seat and spinning around to see you running out of the kitchen with your arms above your head in victory. 

"IMMA SO STEALTHY!" you shout.

"SCHLONG IS A BAD EXAMPLE!" you hear Dean yell from the kitchen. 

"I'M LIKE A PUMA!" you reply, sprinting into your room and shutting the door. You walk to the list on your desk and draw a thick line through 'schlong'. Now for the next word...

You narrow your eyes as you see Sam walk past your bedroom door, nose buried in a book. You slide off your bed and run after Sam. You walk behind him quietly, winking at Dean as he watches you from the table. Without Sam noticing you, you drop to the floor dramatically and do an incredibly badly executed army roll, before jumping to your feet and hiding behind a bookcase. Dean chuckles quietly, looking at you with an air of confusion. When Sam sits down, still oblivious to your presence, you run up behind him and take a deep breathe. 

"DINKILY DONK!" You scream in his ear making him jump and knock the table, spilling drinks. His reflexes however mean he swings round and smacks you in the face with such force you topple to the ground. 

"God DAMNIT (Y/N)!!!" He shouts, standing up and turning to stare at you on the floor. You watch as Dean scrambles out of his chair and runs in your direction, both of the guys crouching next to you. 

"Are you ok?! God Sam you're such an idiot." Dean says. You blink quickly, appearing dazed, and see Dean shove Sam in irritation. You open your mouth slightly and whisper something, so quietly neither of them can hear. They both lean down closer to your mouth, trying to hear what you're saying as you repeat what you'd said. 

"Custard chucker." You say, a smirk spreading across your face. Before the guys have time to react you shuffle away from them and jump up off the floor. 

"This isn't funny!" Sam shouts in annoyance. "I thought I'd hurt you!" 

"Don't flatter yourself sweetheart." You say. "You big doinker. You ginormous wankie. You huge, gargantuan..." But Sam runs after you before you can finish. As he chases you around the bunker you start shouting penis names at him.

"LOVE STICK!"

"DING DONG!"

"STINKY PICKLE!"

"LOVE MUSCLE!" 

"100% ALL BEEF THERMOMETER!" At that one Sam stops. 

"That one doesn't even make sense..." He says slowly, looking confused. 

"Think about it Samantha. Where do thermometers go." You say with a wink, backing into the hallway. Realisation suddenly spreads across his face.

"Oh that's just nasty." He says, a grimace on his face. 

"You're just upset yours isn't 100% beef." You say with a wink, making Dean chuckle. As Sam starts running towards you again you sprint back into your room, slam the door shut and lock it quickly. You scribble 'DNA rifle' on a bit of paper and slide it under the door, waiting to hear the sound of Sam picking up the paper, which you soon do.

"For fucks sake..." You hear him mutter under his breath, followed by a sigh. You laugh to yourself quietly and cross off all of the names you had already used. This left you with only 2 remaining. Just as you were plotting your dramatic finale, you hear a knock on your door. After a rattling of someone picking your lock, the door swings open. You look up and see Dean leaning against the doorway, arms crossed, grin on face, hair magnificent, eyes glimmering, penis bulging, wait what...

Anyway

"Hey Dean whats up?" You say, putting your notepad down next to you on the bed. 

"Well you proved us wrong." He says, walking over towards your bed slowly. "There are definitely many different words for penis."

"And it was so crucial for you to tells this that you had to pick the lock on my door...?" You ask, grinning.

"Well what can I say. I was impressed." He replies with a shrug and a laugh.

"I have a gift." 

"A gift for thinking of different words for penis?" 

"Exactly. However my gift is also my curse." You say with a sigh. 

"Oh? In what way?" He asks, sitting on the end of your bed. 

"Let me paint you a picture." You start, swinging your legs round to rest across Deans lap, allowing you to lean backwards and get comfy. "I'm at home with a guy and he'd just taken me on the best date ever. That's a story for another time. We got back to mine and after a couple beers our clothes didn't stay on for long."

"Let's pause here." Dean says. You hadn't noticed his hands resting on your legs, his thumbs gently making circles on your skin. 

"Why pause?" 

"I think we need to go into more detail about what it was like without clothes." He says, a cheeky glint in his eyes. You laugh and lean forward to prod his arm.

"Behave you dingaling." You say, leaning back and suddenly feeling very conscious about how close you and Dean were. "Anywho. So yeah, we was naked and stuff, we were kissin and laughin and having a good ol jolly time. How could it go wrong you ask? Well let me tell you. We were lying in bed, it was quiet and you know how uncomfortable I get when it's quiet. I had to say something. So being me, I opened my stupid mouth and went 'you know, for a guy you have a pretty big yoghurt slinger'. He just looked at me for a couple seconds, then got dressed and left." 

"You told him he had a big yoghurt slinger..." Dean says slowly, his hand running up your leg. 

"That I did. Like I said, it's a curse." 

"Oh I can tell." Dean says. Without saying anything else, he gently pushes your legs off his lap and scoots up to sit next to you on your bed. He turns his head slowly to look at you and brushes a strand of hair out of your face. His hand then moves down under your chin and lifts your face so your lips meet. As you kiss his other hand slowly moves further up your thigh and you raise one of your hands to gently run your fingers along the back of his neck. When you break apart you look up at him and bite your lip in what you hope is a seductive manner. 

"Does this mean..." You say, but trail off as if embarrassed. 

"Does this mean what?" Dean asks, his voice quiet and husky, dripping with sexual tension. His hand is moving further up your thigh and you knew that whatever he said or did you would remove your clothes for him in a flash. You hoped what you were about to say wasn't going to ruin the mood, but you had to think of the comic value. The moment was just too good. 

"Does this mean I get to meet Captain Winky?"

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading guys :) have a look at our tumblr abitofarockyroad.tumblr.com for more of our stuff.


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